“YOU’RE A FOOL! What are you doing?”
“What on earth are you doing you bloody idiot?!”
That’s what I was saying to myself (as one does) as I got out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror. It reminded me of similar time when I was screaming those words in my head. I was stood at the top of some wooden climbing frame that lead up to the zip wire, the last apparatus of the assault course that featured on the old television programme “The Krypton Factor”.
I had raced across the course, beating everyone until I got to the end, the zip wire. There I was, stood, harnessed and ready to go, trembling like some blithering idiot, scaring myself to death by looking down at a drop that could only have been a few feet down and the distance I was to travel. I wasn’t exactly going to die if I fell, may have broken a bone or two but hardly fateful. Yet I flew down that wire, touched down in the middle of the muddy puddle at the bottom …and wanted to do it all again!
So now I’m standing in front of the bathroom mirror, berating myself for yet again acting the blithering fool, only this time because I had let my thinking and rage take over. The Chimp had been unleashed and was playing havoc in my head!
What was I doing in order that was allowing this continual decline keep dragging me down? What was it I needed to change or take out for me to get back to winning ways, or at least survive?
My life seemed to be on a downhill slope and going down faster than Eddie the Eagle ski jumping in the 1988 Winter Olympics! It came to me the very first article I wrote five years ago when I started on my journey to change…
“Those that know me personally know I am going through many transitions all at once it seems.
There’s the transition of going in to a completely different field of employment, taking a 180 degree turn in the opposite direction of what I have been doing the las 15 years. There’s the transition of learning more and more new skills and mind sets, something people close to me generally laugh at as they have known me for so long and what my personality is like, or should I say, used to be like. Then there’s the transition of a separation which is made all the more difficult when there’s children involved.
So how does one adapt? How does one cope? What are their thoughts, feelings, actions, behaviours?
A friend of mine said she was “having one of those days!” My reply was “Its not the first time and wont be the last, doesn’t mean anything.” She then went on to say, “Thanks. I just want to be truly happy.”
Now from our NLP training we learn that “happy” is a state, something we can access at any time should we choose to. My friend was reminded of this and all she had to do was think she was happy, access a time when she was happy to which would then change the state of mind she was in at that time.
The point is we can choose to be engrossed in the problem we never seem to find a way out. This goes for any drama in our lives. Things happen, we can’t help that but we can change our thinking which will enable us to work out how we deal with those situations.
It is easier for us to decide something negative as it is the path of least resistance for the mind to come up with a negative thought more that it is to find a positive one. It takes around 12 seconds to register a positive thought.
In my situation I had a very big wake up call with everything that was happening around me. Within a space of seven to fourteen days I was pushed, conned out of a very well paid job that I enjoyed doing and had been in for seven years, separated from my partner due to some insecure thinking and lost a substantial amount of money that had been invested in a business run by whom I considered a friend. All that in a short space of time.
Now I could have chosen to wallow in self pity and grief, lose control, got angry, done something stupid to myself, etc., etc., etc. But what I did do was change my thinking from what I would have normally done.
It may have been down to my NLP training that I had not long just completed. Maybe it was down down to being more mature and wiser. Who knows. What was the most important element, was that my choice was not to let it all affect me and get on with my life. If there were all these problem’s, then solutions were what I needed…”
It hasn’t been easy by all means, five years on and still struggling to find steady employment, battles with ex partner, etc., etc., etc., and more troubles and strife’s will create more barriers in the future. But how I choose to think and deal with them will be the key to my results.
I had no job, no finances, my property looked like it was going to be repossessed, I was looking at the prospect of not seeing my daughter for some time as I couldn’t afford the fuel for the car that had ever increasing costs just on it’s own, let alone take her on outings or buy her things.
But despite all that what was going going on around me, I was too stubborn to give in. Yes, there were others in a much more serious position than I was. But they never entered my mind. I never gave them a second thought, unless they were close to me of course.
So I had to do something, and fast. Standing in front of the mirror talking to myself like some mad man certainly wasn’t going to help me either. Or was it? Its easier for us to know what we don’t want but can never work out what we do want.
Looking at that fool, talking to him, at him, made me realise what a fool I actually was being. “I have all the resources inside me.”, came the voices of my NLP trainers. Out popped several other presuppositions as well as a self-inflicted slap across the face!
It came to me that it appears my life has gone around in a complete circle. I’m practically right back to where I was when I first started out in the big bad world of adulthood. Now this could be the chance for me to do it all again and see if I can make the changes in my life and play it the way I wanted it to be. Within reason of course.
Have you ever been asked “If you could do it all again, would you still live your life the same way as you have done?” And how many times have you answered “Not bloody likely!”
Yep, so did I.
It came to mind the other day when someone said to me that our circumstances dictate how we live our lives and our choices, and sometimes we have to compromise. It made me stop to thinks about this. Shouldn’t it be that our choices dictate our circumstances, considering it’s our choices that make us who we are?
I totally agree that sometimes we have to make sacrifices and make compromising decisions, yet isn’t it our choices in those situations that define the end result, our futures, our goals?
Life tends to throw us the odd curve ball or three, I’ve had quite a few myself over the last few years. Though how we choose to place the bat defines how the ball will be struck and where it will land, whether it gets us to first base or a home run or even a strike out.
So now I can do some things differently. Now I have the opportunity to change the state of play. I can choose where I place the bat to strike at the latest curve ball. I can rewrite the script that was written by others and change the circumstances that put me where I am today, in front of the mirror.